I feel all the potential energy of the world crowded up inside my heart like the potential energy of a leaf falling from the height of a cloud. How at the top it is light but when it lands the whole world will shake. All of the what ifs and could haves are settled inside of me, building up energy from being contained. They sit there waiting to fall.
Photography by Ileana Skakun: https://unsplash.com/search/heart?photo=dNjMqj4emkc
The moment when you realize you’re in love, only after it has been lost. When it becomes clear that the only person you have loved and can imagine yourself loving has left your life forever. You had the perfect person. Not a person who is perfect, but one who fills the spaces that you leave empty and loves the spaces that you fill. You didn’t realize because you were scared, you distanced yourself, you carefully crafted a tall barrier to protect your delicate heart. You needed to be safe more than you wanted to experience love. And so it was wasted. It is the type of love that will only ever be an aftertaste, the type whose sweetness will never be enjoyed but will only be experienced with bitterness. It’s the only type of love I have ever known. It was young, naive, immature love that was brushed aside by adjectives, but now I am older, wiser, and more mature and I realize that it was real. I suppose I’ll continue to taste the bitterness until something else sweet comes along.